Sunday night

After Jillian's final softball game a few weeks ago, I went over to their house for a visit.  When I walked to the front door and glanced left I was greeted with this smiling lawn art.  

Jeff did this while working in his yard.  What a clever boy!  ( I still have trouble thinking of myself as the mother of 'men')

Since I had arrived before them, I started dead heading their rhodie.  After a few minutes, something underneath one branch caught my eye.

YIKES!!!  

Still makes me shiver even looking at the photo.

I have been on the verge of tears for days.  You know how that is?

It's been a stressful couple of weeks, and it is only going to get harder for the next two months.  

My Mom's health seems to have stabilized, which is a good thing, but again after spending the evening with my parents and siblings, I am reminded that she and Dad are indeed 85.  It is so hard to see the slower shuffle, the positioning to be able to rise without much help, the decline of appetite, the passing of time.  

My BFF after high school is losing her middle daughter to cancer.  From age 18 to about 25 we were so close.  We were in each other's wedding's, bought houses a block from each other, she birthed her 3 girls in the time frame I birthed my 3 boys.  When I went into the hospital for my first breast cancer surgery, Karen was the one who got her girls up at o:dark:30 and drove from Everett to my house in Federal Way to be with my boys that day.  As often happens, time moved along and we began to follow different paths.  

We would still connect once in a while for good conversations and girlish laughter.  As long as we steered clear of religion and politics, we got along splendidly.  And now her Melinda is in her final days of this life at age 34.  Absolutely breaks my heart.  

My house has been on the market for 3 weeks, and after two viewings the first week we have not had one call.  Yes, I know the market is slow, but is this how it is going to be?  Yes, I know it only takes one, but first they need to look.  I'm starting to stress about the possibility of having to make a mortgage payment as well as a rent payment for more than a month or two.  

I have a relationship that I just can't seem to get a handle on.  It is hard, and I keep trying, but I feel like it is a losing battle.  I know it is important to keep at it, but it is only going to get harder when I am living that much further away.  

There is just so much to do.  But then again, I thrive on having deadlines looming and so much to do.  

One task at a time, one box at a time, one room at a time, one day at a time.