Tomorrow's post will be a celebration of 39 years of weddedness.  A new word!

Today.  I am trying to accept and understand and remember the words of my Dad from the days I was a teen, "Who ever told you that life was going to be fair?"  There have been points in this life that I have reflected back on that question.  I've tried over and over to be fair in any situation that I could.

Another quote haunting me is the theme of NEVER GIVE UP!!  But then I wonder how many times I am going to open myself up to feeling so hurt.

Sister Carol then reminds me of the definition of insanity.  Continuing to do the same thing, and expect a different result.  Trouble is I don't know what else to do.

Each time it happens I tell myself it is the last time  A few months pass and I open my arms again, and find myself holding onto nothing.  Emptiness.

Is this the time I accept it?  Maybe so.  I hope so.

I need to find a way to make the rest of the picture be in color.  Vibrant.  Happy.  Joyful.  I need to remember how lucky I am to have the people in my life who love me.  I need to realize that not everyone in my life will.  I need to recognize those people who want to share joy with me, and quite worrying about those who don't.

It's going to be hard.  I can do hard.

And I am done being a milk toast.  I'm done walking on egg shells.  I'm moving forward with the cards I have.  I'll play them the best I can.