Tomorrow's post will be a celebration of 39 years of weddedness. A new word!
Today. I am trying to accept and understand and remember the words of my Dad from the days I was a teen, "Who ever told you that life was going to be fair?" There have been points in this life that I have reflected back on that question. I've tried over and over to be fair in any situation that I could.
Another quote haunting me is the theme of NEVER GIVE UP!! But then I wonder how many times I am going to open myself up to feeling so hurt.
Sister Carol then reminds me of the definition of insanity. Continuing to do the same thing, and expect a different result. Trouble is I don't know what else to do.
Each time it happens I tell myself it is the last time A few months pass and I open my arms again, and find myself holding onto nothing. Emptiness.
Is this the time I accept it? Maybe so. I hope so.
I need to find a way to make the rest of the picture be in color. Vibrant. Happy. Joyful. I need to remember how lucky I am to have the people in my life who love me. I need to realize that not everyone in my life will. I need to recognize those people who want to share joy with me, and quite worrying about those who don't.
It's going to be hard. I can do hard.
And I am done being a milk toast. I'm done walking on egg shells. I'm moving forward with the cards I have. I'll play them the best I can.